http://toptechtoys.info/smiles/load/smile.gif http://toptechtoys.info/smiles/friend/smile.gif

I found this article while searching for anything written about “too much” reliance on Online Dating. (For some reason, it was, like, #2 or #3 in the results.)(???)

You see, I have a friend who I’ve come to adore since his split from his wife (didn’t really know him all that well ’til then). I know he’s out there “looking”, but is just not finding “the right” person. I believe he’s tried every online dating site known to man.

At first glance, his marriage seemed like an online dating success story. …But I was always pretty skeptical. I knew his ex-wife. She told me about this man she’d met via her first tentative foray into the online dating world. I was happy for her. When after only a few months of dating, they were engaged, and then married, I was hopeful, but not entirely sold.

They put my fears to rest by being (by all outward accounts) happily married for 5 years. Sadly, things fell apart last year, and that was that.

Her online dating. His online dating. My complete lack of experience with online dating. It got me wondering.

My friend (the dude) and his online dating antics had me thinking about my own dating history. I never had a problem dating (prior to getting married). I had all the dates I wanted (if I wanted ‘em), and was always the person to end the relationship. I was somewhat particular about the men I dated. I was never superficial (and now wonder what it would’ve been like if I’d ONLY dated the hotties who asked me out), but that’s not to say my men weren’t attractive. …Not at all. It’s just that I had loftier criteria than just looks. And, to this day, I’d be thrilled to run into any of the men I dated. I wouldn’t have dated them if I didn’t respect them. And that doesn’t change, just because we didn’t make a good couple. As I near 50, the world of online dating seems a bit foreign to me. …Give me a chance meeting and eye contact any day! (Well…not now that I’m married. …Happily together for 14 years! …You know what I mean…)

Intellectually, I wholly endorse the ‘concept’ of online dating. But with so many scary online dating mishaps among acquaintances, I wonder if this is really the way to find a mate.

Look…there are scary, or even just disappointing, dating stories no matter what you do. I get that. But many of the problems I’ve heard about, concerning online dating, wouldn’t happen at all if the two people first met in-person, at, say, an event they both enjoyed. You’d know the chemistry and whatnot, plus you have a shared interest. …Passed the first litmus test.

I certainly wouldn’t denigrate online dating. But I wish there was a bit of swing happening, back to meeting people in-person, via shared interests, etc. I think that’s the best way to find a good match. It’s how I met all the men I’ve adored, over the years, and how I met my husband. I see people “advertising” themselves online, like so much corn meal, and I think that, alone, has to be somewhat demoralizing. I can’t imagine how I’d go about writing an ad for myself. I’m not so pompous as to think I’m all that, yet if you don’t claim to be all that, it seems the online dating world will pass you by. …No room for the honest, not-too-full-of-themselves types.

Oh, I don’t know. It’s impossible to say if someone is worth dating, based on something he/she has written. Personal relationships are so complex. It’s how the person speaks, and eats his/her food, and dresses, and the things he/she chooses to discuss, and how easily he/she frustrates or angers… Honesty, kindness, and a sense of humour always have topped my own list, and I believe they always will. A dishonest person, or someone who is cruel or unkind, or who can’t take a joke, not only wouldn’t be a good mate, but wouldn’t even be a good co-worker. And, sadly, I come across a lot of people like this in my daily travels. If they’re single, it might be the reason.

Okay, I’m just flappin’ my fingers now. But you get the point. Maybe it’s not so bad if you call and end to the online dating thing for at least a little while, and go out and find a mate the old-fashioned way.

Good luck, for what it’s worth!